…from the sublime and spectacular Orson Swindle, at Every Day Should Be Saturday, the world’s greatest website:
“If/when the SEC [television sports -ed.] network happens in any form, the negotiations will likely consist of the words GIMMEH GIMMEH and sacks of cash and country ham being thrown over table in both directions excitedly. This describes most commercial deals of a large magnitude in the South, actually.”
Talent portion of the rant
(piano intro)
DA-DA Da DA-DA-DA DAAA..
I’m gonna get me a shotgun and shoot all the hippies I seeeeeee
I’m gonna get me a shotgun and shoot all the hippies I seeeeeee
When I shoot all the hippies I see
The hippies will not bug U-C…….
I’m gonna get me a shotgun and shoot all the hippies I seeeeeee
I’m gonna get me a Cal girl in a blue and gold sweater
I’m gonna get me a….
(mad love to Garrett Morris, obvs)
What I said Monday and add venom
All right, assholes:
Highly offensive rage against oil and bicycles follows. Not my !-ing day. Don’t click unless you’re ready for lots of superfluous capitals and exclamation points.
Supporting the troops, MY BALLS
Not really my day
Today’s worse than I expected. It’s what I thought Thursday would be like – and oddly, Thursday came and went without too much angst or reflection or what have you, which was a good thing, all in all. I thought maybe for once I could pass a milestone without getting all bent out of shape about it. Then I woke up today, very late, and realized “nope.”
What’s done is done. Obviously, I’m not over it, or I wouldn’t be sullen in the corner counting the minutes until I can go down to the pub.
Happy Father’s Day, pops. Cast ’em straight and drive ’em long.
Ugh.
God knows I carried no brief for Tim Russert’s political capability, but to die at 58 – believe me when I say this – is just plain awful for everyone. Especially his family.
Hope he finds a better world than this. Hopefully one where Scott Norwood hits that kick.
Well, this explains it.
Free IPhone 3G: European Bastards to Get Free iPhone and Great Monthly Plans. This ultimately is not surprising, since the iPhone has essentially become just another smartphone in the eyes of the carriers. With O2 in the UK, you sign up for an 18-month contract at about $90 a month, and for your trouble get 1200 minutes, 500 texts, and free data, made even more attractive by the fact that your incoming calls and texts are always free AND by the fact that you get free access to TheCloud, which is the largest commercial Wi-Fi provider in the UK – basically the equivalent of getting free access to the T-Mobile Wi-Fi service. Long story short: 18-month obligation, $1620 total cost, because that 8 GB iPhone is FREE.
Meanwhile, America: $40 for the minimum service (450 night/5000N-W min), $5 for 200 texts a month, and $30 for the unlimited data service. So you’re paying $1350 for that 18 months, PLUS $200 for the 8 GB iPhone, PLUS you’re using up your alloted minutes and texts to receive as well, PLUS it doesn’t look like there’s any free service on otherwise-paid-for WiFi networks, PLUS you’re still on the hook for an additional 6 months because it’s a 2-year contract. If you actually wanted to replicate the O2 offer, consider the 900-minute plan ($60/month) and assume you’d use a lot of your free nights/weekends to make up the diff. Add in the next plan up, which goes from 200 to 1500 messages ($15 a month, and you’ll need those to cover the cost of what you would have received free) and the data plan (still $30) and you’re at $105 a month – or, when you factor in the cost of the phone, $2090 over the first 18 months.
It was a valiant effort, but Apple has failed to break the back of the steam-age telecommunications industry in the United States. The rest of the world has moved on, but between the kind of mobility offerings we get and the fact that 256kbps is considered “broadband” for legal purposes, the fact is that we’re a Third World country when it comes to 21st century communications, and that’s a disgrace.
Incidentally, upon further review, if I were to upgrade it would actually cost me $680 on top of what I already pay – I forgot to factor in my FAN discount from the last job and the additional text message costs. No bloody way am I paying that kind of coin just to add 3G and GPS – that’s 2/3 of a sweet big-screen TV.
Downsides
One other note about the new iPhone: it looks like it’s really just another phone now vis-a-vis AT&T. The data plans are the same (i.e. the extra $10 a month, or $25 a month for business plans – WTF?) and you can’t even order the phone online from Apple – it’s retail purchase and in-store activation only.
Sadly, Apple was not able to permanently shift the way cellular works in this country. But AT&T should be kissing their ass, because I can’t count how many people I know who only have AT&T because of the iPhone. And if I could shift it, I’d switch to T-Mob in a second, but I need the visual voicemail…
Well there it is.
No surprises at all in the new iPhone. Yes, the much-vaunted 3G is there, but the early specs seem to indicate that actual 3G connectivity will be twice as thirsty as ordinary GSM talk time, and I expect there’ll be a similar dropoff for data. GPS is interesting, but I don’t know how much better it will be than the existing semi-triangulation locator.
See, here’s the thing: I’m on the wrong side of 30, married, fairly socially inert, and living in Silicon Valley. I’ve got free Wi-Fi coming out my ears on all sides, and for the most part don’t really get THAT much out of having 3G speed – there are not a lot of times when I need that kind of speed and don’t have access to it. In addition, I’m not wild about the fact that the base 3G data plan is $10 a month higher – which means, when you add it all up, that the most basic upgrade to the new unit will end up costing me $440.
There’s not $440 worth of delta between my iPhone and the new one. Which is actually a good thing, because that’s money that could more usefully be put into, say, a new TV in time for football season. However, for all the people who held off because they wanted 3G or GPS, now you get a nice cheap option relative to what was available at launch. (Although if you buy an 8GB model now for $200, then add in the $240 from the delta in plan price, you’re still paying only $60 less over 2 years than you would have at the start, and lining AT&T’s pockets besides.)
Two things people wanted that I don’t think will show up:
1) Video capture, to which I say – yeah, but the problem is, all but the best cameraphones still capture video at a crappy 160×120, or at best 320×240 (QVGA). One thing I’ve learned pretty quickly is that Apple is reluctant to include a feature that they think sucks, unless they can make it *not* suck. And I think anything less than VGA-quality video will, in Apple’s collective mind, suck.
2) MMS. I would still like a better way of receiving MMS. As it stands now, though, AT&T’s default method for informing non-MMS subscribers of a multimedia message is what shows up on the iPhone, complete with URL and incomprehensible ID and password. Ultimately I think the Cupertino powers that be will still say “why do you want to send crappy little pictures for a quarter a pop when you can send much better stuff in email for free with your unlimited data?” And I can see the logic there, but it would still be nice to get pix of my niece right to the phone without going through hoops.
Oh, and to whoever it was I saw on a web forum saying that the iPhone ought to have 160GB of storage the same as an iPod can: grow up.