Are my eyes really blue?

First off, NBC commits to nothing but reality programming in the 8 PM hour and now Jay Leno at 10 PM five nights a week?

What you’re saying is that the network of LA Law, Homicide, ER, The West Wing – they’re going to only 5 hours of weeknight primetime that MAY contain scripted programming? I mean, assume they’re going to shuffle around the comedy block, that’s 2 hours right there. Assume that some version of Law & Order will stick around, that’s 1 hour, assume that Heroes isn’t getting the gas pipe, that’s another hour…

Seriously, this is the plan? Extend late night into prime time and hope for the best? I knew Jeff Zucker didn’t have the brains God gave a cockroach, but it’s not the sort of thing you expect to see someone flaunt. Plus it’s not like Heroes hasn’t gone completely suckadoodledoo, because seriously, I think they’ve replaced the showrunner with a chimp or something.

I have more personal stuff to blog about, but it’ll be along later.

I guess I have to say something about alma mater. I never expected, after the disaster that was California football in 2007, that I would replicate the same experience with Vanderbilt, of all teams, in 2008. Five straight to open the season, a couple of high-profile victories, an unprecedented national ranking and all kinds of attention at 5-0, and then a sudden and inexorable collapse leading to a loss over the underdog arch-rival and a final record of 6-6. But there you have it. The same team that owned Thursday nights, the team that took down Steve Spurrier in week 2 and got Auburn’s offensive coordinator fired within 48 hours of the loss – that team shat the bed against Mississippi State and Duke and Tennessee and Wake Forest and almost managed to piss away a 21-point halftime lead over Kentucky.

I know it’s meant to be some sort of breakthrough, our first bowl game in 26 years, but it’s 6-6. It’s one whole win more than we’ve managed countless times since 1990. It’s a team that by rights should be sitting on 8 or 9 wins – hell, in theory we should have beaten everyone bar Georgia and Florida and be ticketed for New Years’ Day, and we beat two teams that probably will play on January 1. And for those six wins, it looks increasingly likely that Vanderbilt’s bowl trip won’t even take them out of 615, let alone the state of Tennessee.

So yeah, dynamite, blah blah. It doesn’t feel like much of a winning season, because it’s not – yet. In fact, despite the bowl berth, the odds strongly favor Vandy posting their 26th consecutive losing season. And ultimately, that’s the reason I can’t get cised: we haven’t turned the corner, not by a long shot, and next year is going to tell a lot about what this program actually has.

God knows I have, in my time, said some things that an objective observer would classify as vain, arrogant, perhaps a touch egotistical. However, what I am about to write may genuinely be the most outrageously vain, arrogant, egotistical, megalomaniacal thing I’ve ever put to print.

Nevertheless…onward.

Continue reading “Going for Broke”

When I was a kid, the season from Thanksgiving to Christmas was usually cold, rainy, foggy, and kind of dreary to look at. Everything was brown and gray, all the leaves were out of the trees and covering the ground, water dripping off the branches…in a way, it’s incredibly beautiful, but it isn’t hard to visualize how it could quickly turn depressing as hell. And did. And as a kid, you’d turn on the TV in December and see things like the Rose Bowl or the parade or something from Disneyland, and everything was clear and bright and sunny and green and lush. And there were palm trees. It was like another world. Something amazing and exotic and so, so much cooler than what was there in front of me.

Yesterday, I drove in a slow rain to the airport, past barren trees and muddy yards. I got on an airplane and flew back here. And this morning, I got up late, went down to the car about 10 AM, and went for a drive. Sonny and Sam on the satellite radio. Sunroof open, windows down, cool breeze and bright morning sun shining down. Green on the hills, palms swaying in the breeze down around Sunnyvale…

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve had the strangest feeling that something’s not quite right when I look in the mirror. Something has changed, and I can’t quite put my finger on what. But if I had to guess, I’d say it’s got something to do with the idea of what it means to finally, genuinely be a Californian.

In any event, I made it. I survived the week, I returned in one piece, I’ve had sleep and coffee. It’s 1 PM, Sunday November 29, 2008. Ladies and gentlemen…welcome to Christmas. =)

…yes, back to the ancestral land next week for Thanksgiving. The good news is that thanks to iPhone Software Update 2.2, I can now update my podcast collection on the road, which means I can go literally weeks without needing to connect the phone to anything but a power outlet. The bad news is that I cannot churn out 800-word posts on an iPhone. (OK, may not be bad news. Election season is over – your boy has nothing to offer the blogosphere but cheap zingers and football rage.)

So there may not be much here for a while. However, if you want to keep track of the fun, you can check out the ancillary feed from Tumblr, which will have, you guessed it, cheap zings and random pix from the land of sinkin’ spells and casserole. Just bookmark http://scalawag.tumblr.com and wait for the preposterous fun to roll in. I knew I had a reason for keeping that account open.

With every passing day I give thanks that the only people on my side of the family who even know the definition of blog are my double second cousin and his telepathic waitress wife. I think I might have some ‘splainin to do otherwise. I mean, anybody who knows me can tell who this is, but I’ve gone to reasonable lengths to try to scrub it up a little (and there may be more in future).

Because he is the mother-swingin’ MAN, as proven empirically by Life Magazine.

You wanna talk about king of the 1970s…

Gustavo Dudamel Conducts the Israel Philharmonic at the Kennedy Center

27 years old. What am I doing with my life?

Once again, the trouble remains where it has for the last two years: there are not enough words in the English language to describe what a feckless, incompetent pushover is the Senator from Nevada. Joe Lieberman campaigned against Barack Obama, questioned his patriotism, questioned his willingness to defend the country – and now will be left to chair the Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Government Oversight.
Lieberman can now sandbag the administration at will. He will get the routine praise accorded anyone in Washington who routinely shits on the head of their own party, and any attempt to dislodge him for questionable actions will be painted as an attempt to stonewall or cover up misdoings in the administration. Holy Joe shouldn’t even be in the caucus – and now he gets punished for eight months of sabotage with…nothing.
Harry Reid just kneecapped Obama two months before he even takes office. If Congressional Democrats had any sack at all, they would pick a new Senate Majority Leader when they convene in January. Ironically, though, the only Dem in Congress with any sort of testicular fortitude is Nancy Pelosi.
Obama could learn a thing or two from Reagan: trust, but verify.

I would love to see one year where the SNL cast includes Justin Timberlake, Alec Baldwin, Christopher Walken, and the Killers as the house band.

Could you do an entire cast just with people who have killed as guest hosts?

I have never in my life seen three calls in such quick succession that were so flagrantly intended to bail out one team. First the Redskins down the punt at the 1 only to hear that Rock Cartwright was in the end zone when he touched the ball. HD replay shows green grass between Cartwright and the end zone when the ball is touched dead…but even after a replay challenge, the call on the field stands.

Then the Dallas ball carrier is stopped at the 1. Replay clearly shows his elbow hit before the ball broke the plane of the goal line…but the call on the field stands.

Then Clinton Portis makes the catch and rolls out of bounds…but is called down before going out of bounds, causing the clock to continue to run, despite replays showing that he apparently crossed out of bounds before being touched. In college, he would have been down, certainly, but this ain’t college ball. Which is obvious, as most college ball still attempts to maintain the appearance of integrity.

At least the refs in the Pac-10 are just utterly worthless all around. The NFL and its semi-pro officiating corps have an agenda, though, and the care, feeding and protection of “America’s Team” is at the top of the list.

I thought that election day would mean an end to the eternal tongue-bath of all things Texan, but apparently it’s going to take a nuclear bomb to rid us of this troublesome state. Then again, given the survivability of cockroaches, I’m sure the Cowboys will get by just fine, so maybe not.