Post-Mortem, Cal vs WSU

So there I was, all by myself in Berkeley for the first time, for a Cal game. I guess I am well and truly assimilated now, enough that I’m with the rest of the crowd (and an ugly crowd it was): Tedford has lost his way.

Three years ago, I wrote that the legend of Jeff Tedford was dead, left in a sodden heap on the turf at Qualcomm Stadium because he refused to adjust to the reality of his personnel situation. With three of the top four receivers injured and unable to play, Tedford insisted on sticking to the air game, despite the presence of J.J. Arrington and Marshawn Lynch in the backfield, and Cal paid. Badly. In some ways, the team has never really recovered from that loss, although last year’s Holiday Bowl went a long way. Nevertheless, the fact remains: Tedford tends to stick with his vision irrespective of circumstances.

Now Cal has a quarterback controversy. The kids in the stands, and their older predecessors in QQ, are literally screaming for the same Kevin Lynch whose brain-dead scramble lost the Oregon State game three weeks ago. But Tedford is sticking by Nate Longshore, who missed all of said OSU game with an injury apparently sustained in the waning moments in Eugene two weeks earlier. Longshore is plainly not the quarterback he was. Never mobile before, he is positively sedentary now, and there’s something missing off his passing touch. And the fact of the matter is plain: he’s not going to get any better. If he had an injury that, two weeks later, was enough to hold him out of an entire game, then he is not going to have an opportunity to heal and get it together until the off-season. Which means that for purposes of 2007, Nate Longshore is as good as he’s going to be for the rest of the season, and that’s not that good.

This is not to throw Longshore under the bus. He seems to be a fine gentleman and played effectively through the first five games of the season, so it’s not like the talent isn’t there. But Longshore at something well under 100% may well not be as effective as Kevin Riley, and let’s face it: the time to find out is not against USC, or when the Axe is on the line. A game against Washington State, near the basement of the Pac-10, was the best remaining chance to see what Riley can do, and now we’re just going to have to wonder with the Trojans coming to town next week.

The bigger concern is the play-calling. On multiple occasions in the past month, Cal has had 1st and goal inside the 5 and come away empty – largely because they only have two plays at the goal line: Justin Forsett straight up the middle and a desperate throw to the corner to DeSean Jackson. Cal’s offensive line is not horrible – they’re better than the defensive front, which is seemingly incapable of pressuring a quarterback on a consistent basis – but they’re not the sort of line that can just blow people off the line and let a back bull ahead for 3 or 4 years. Nobody’s going to mistake the Golden Bears for the early-80s Hogs in Washington. Nevertheless, Tedford is committed to running between the tackles.

Now, this is not in and of itself a bad idea. In theory, the pass should be setting up the run, with 3 receivers stretching the defense and giving a broken field to the runner. But it’s not happening – Cal isn’t passing often enough, or effectively enough when they do, to force linebackers into coverage. Quite the reverse – teams are stacking an extra safety in the box and stifling the run. With extra coverage on Jackson, this has basically led to Lavelle Hawkins becoming the big-money receiver, and #7 has basically carried the team for the last month on offense. Well done to the Hawk, but this is supposed to be more than a one-man show.

Three years ago, Cal had creativity and verve on offense. Every so often, Aaron Rodgers would just tee up and throw the ball fifty yards down the field, where Chase Lyman had left some hapless DB gasping for air. And usually, it was a free six points. It’s not like the talent’s not there now; DeSean Jackson is a Heisman contender and freshman Jahvid Best is so electric that he can’t go in the whirlpool without shocking himself. But I haven’t seen one long vertical deep ball all year. Long plays because “Tha 1” did his shake-and-bake and rattled off 40 yards after the catch, sure, but no bombs-away air raid-type throws. And the thing that bugs me most of all is this: you have speed and talent on the field, but the passes aren’t there: why wouldn’t you do something else to get your playmakers involved in the offense? They have a student-body-right play where everybody is pulling right except Best, who gets the ball on a blind flip to the left, and he tends to get about fifty yards every time they run it – but they haven’t run it in weeks. This week, they ran Best on an end-around sort of thing, and since he’s already at full speed when he gets the ball it’s just a chase scene once he decides to turn. Why not do more of that? Why isn’t Jackson on a reverse? Is there anybody who can throw a halfback pass on the roster? (If Forsett could do that, turn another one of those off-tackle dives into a deep throw to a receiver a la Ernest Byner to Gary Clark back in the day, I guarantee you’d probably get a touchdown for your trouble.) And one more thing – I didn’t want to say anything, I didn’t know if the rules are different out West or what – but the tight end is ELIGIBLE. He can catch a pass. Maybe Cal’s tight end has hands of iron, I don’t know, but that’s a whole ‘nother body who can make a short reception to keep a drive alive. Hell, Alabama went to the Sugar Bowl in 1989 because Lamonde Russell was always there in the flat.

Long story short: the kids are doing the best they can with what they have. But if Cal has aspirations beyond the Deez Nutz bowl, it’s time for Tedford to get his testicles back out of the blind trust and start playing gunslinger football again. And it’s time to get the kids involved, because think about it: the skill positions on offense right now are a senior running back, a senior tight end, two senior receivers, and DeSean Jackson, who will probably be playing on Sundays next year. Two starting defensive backs are also seniors – and the defensive secondary has been the most reliable part of the defense all season. And on a roster of 111 players, 48 are freshmen. If the youngsters don’t start getting reps now – and lots of them – next year’s team will have to change from Golden Bears to Chartreuse Bears, because there’s so much green in there I’m afraid they might spoil in warmer weather.

In September, you could say that the future is now. Three losses later, next year has to be taken seriously again. If Tedford’s going to turn things around, there’s not a day to lose.

Hanging out the wash

So Vandy went down to the Swamp and got that ass tapped, 49-22. That was probably the least winnable of the remaining games. Florida has points of vulnerability, but they are not as pronounced as those of Kentucky or Tennessee – and even though everybody knows where the holes are on those teams, we may not be capable of exploiting them. And how’s this for a dagger: even if we get the 6th win, it may not be enough: a 6-6 team can only go to a bowl if every 7-5 team has a bid. This is not as unfair as it looks; the 12th game in the SEC is a non-conference game, and if we were 5-6 coming into the last game, that’s not bowl eligible under the old rules. Nevertheless, it would suck to break the 5 win ceiling for the first time in a quarter-century and be unable to cash in on it.

Meanwhile, the wife is gone to Texas for a few days. I have never been more tempted to play the Southern Baptist card and say “Wife, I forbid you to go to Texas.” However, I’ve been in preliminary RCIA classes for a couple of months now, so I may not be allowed to play the Southern Baptist card any more. Hell, I may never have been allowed – I was characterized as a Zen Baptist from the age of 17 or so, and got married by a Benedictine priest from an Old Catholic order, and I only set foot in a Baptist church once a year for Decoration Day…so whatever. I’m left alone in the house for four days. Somebody may need to come around Tuesday morning and pack my lungs in gauze. (I got a lot of cigars to get through.)

Come ON Bama…

Obligatory Quake Post

So I was conscious of it being an earthquake immediately…sitting in a metal folding chair at St. Joe’s school. I could feel the earth going up and down, although I didn’t get to see the ground ripple or anything. I figured it was either big or close – turns out neither, but enough of each that it made for an interesting experience. I wouldn’t file it under pant-soiling terror or anything. Maybe if more stuff had been falling down.

Thing is, other people were losing their minds, and I think rightly so – if you’re in the wrong aisle of the grocery store, and suddenly get attacked by a slew of canned goods, that’s kind of trifling. It’s the whole “unexpected could happen anytime” thing about the earthquake that makes them nature’s suicide bombers – you at least get some warning with tornadoes, or fire, or hurricanes. Not much, certainly, and much good it may do you, but at least you get a fighting chance. Earthquake just flips the switch, and pow, fall down go boom. The only thing left is whether you just get shook up or whether a building falls on you.

Between the quake in the north and the fires down south, California is really living up to the promise of becoming the #1 action state in the country. What would you expect when the governor is an Austrian robot from the future?

Our love is God, let’s go get a Slushie

One of the only worthwhile things at my godforsaken undergrad institution was Chapel at Six, every Monday night. To this day it remains the model for what I look for in a church experience. They also ran a “service learning” program with the motto “College IS the real world – it’s just not the WHOLE world.” They were the only people there with any sense of perspective. But I digress…what if that’s overshooting the mark? What if in fact, high school is the real world? And it’s not the whole world – but the whole world IS high school?

Think about it. What is modern America – the politics, the culture, the attitude – but the nerds vs the jocks writ large? The punk kids versus the rednecks? The art and band nerds against the bitch gang in the girls’ bathroom? Everything unbelievably superficial, nothing but scorn for sincerity, and the real problems of life completely overlooked? And here’s the thing – high school comes with a built in time limit. Survive through the end of the 12th grade and roll out. But if real life has become high school, when do we get to graduate?

I think sometimes that maybe I really do need profound psychological help. It would explain a lot – like my profound distaste for contemporary high school movies, my abiding love for Heathers, my tendency to still identify with the just-slightly-weird-enough kids, my obsessive interest in gifted education for somebody who doesn’t even have children…The fact that I can still see the patterns of the old days two decades on may be proof of advanced psychosis…or maybe I’m just brilliant. But if I’m so bloody brilliant, why can’t I find a way to get the hell out of school?

(Or at least stop thinking so fondly of Heathers? You sure couldn’t get that film made today…)

24-13

Vanderbilt beats Miami (Ohio). That makes five wins. Bowl eligibility requires six.

One more river to cross.

Unfortunately, the names of those rivers are Florida, Kentucky, Tennessee and Wake Forest. However, based on the way things have gone this year, you have to think that any of those can be had. And hell, if you finish the season on a 4-game losing streak, you didn’t deserve a bowl bid anyway. All I ask is please, no frickin’ Music City Bowl. Nothing worse than going to a bowl in your own hometown.

Plugging right along…

…at the new job. Big task today involves figuring out backup server software and getting a program in place to make sure everything gets backed up routinely. A good idea, and actually a core criterion of whether I’m doing my job. Me, I’m counting on Leopard to take care of all my personal backups going forward. I just have to sort out the dog’s breakfast of hard disks and server systems at home (and my server systems, I mean the one iMac that everything’s plugged into).

Anyway…

I stumbled across an article by John Rogers. If you don’t know him, he’s most famous these days for being the first-draft author of that abysmal orgy of Hollywood idiocy called Transformers. Someday he may live that down, and when he does, it will be based on such trenchant observations as are made in this piece. Such as the fact that there are four times as many Americans living in urban areas as rural areas. Or four times as many people in New York City alone as there are farmers in the whole country. There are half again as many people in computer and mathematical jobs as there are in farming. And yet, the default notion of what is “Middle America” is rural, agrarian, and completely out of step with what the actual median lifestyle is in this country. This is why all these stories about “real Americans” make me want to spit nails. I’ve lived in the exurban South, the suburbs of Washington DC, and the heart of Silicon Valley. THIS is real America. Car commutes, satellite TV, Starbucks by the quart, straphanging on the Metro, public notices in three languages. That’s every bit as American as a bunch of pickup trucks circling the Dairy Queen all night on the weekend – in fact, by the numbers, it’s four times as American.

Put that in your corncob pipe and smoke it.

Judgement Day

Tennessee 17

Alabama 41

Vanderbilt 17

South Carolina 6

I should be running drunk through street smoking three cigars at once, but I’m not even cised. I think it may be time to consider that something is wrong with me beyond just the sudden onset of senile sanity…

Idle thoughts

* Vandy has two quarterbacks. Which means they have no quarterback. I think that’s in the commandments somewhere after “thou shalt not kill” and coveting they neighbor’s ass but before don’t put metal in the microwave and don’t serve red wine with fish.

* I’m sort of torn…the iPhone isn’t a complete laptop replacement, but it almost seems like I should have gone with a MacBook Pro. The step up to the MacBook isn’t quite enough, but it’s still the blogger’s delight as far as battery life and wi-fi performance. And yet I still need to have a pen and a pad for some reason.

* I have struggled through a couple of different 0.38mm gel pens recently (0.38? Really? We need to get down to HUNDREDTHS OF A MILLIMETER? We can get down to hundredths of a millimeter?) but am not really satisfied. For some reason, gel ink has never worked as well for me as the plain old roller ball ink from the classic Pilot VBall in Extra Fine 0.5mm, which carried me through most if not all of my college education and several years after. The problem with me and retractable gel pens is obscure and weird, but there it is: ever since seventh grade, I carry my pen in my right hip pocket next to my wallet. Have done so for well over twenty years now and no plans to change. However, a retractable just doesn’t fly there, because if you push the button at the wrong time, boom, leaky pen point in your hip and a big black smudge in your 501s.

The practical upshot of this is that I have long coveted the telescoping Fisher Space Pen. I have bought three. I have lost all three. This is what is known as “bad arithmetic.” Until I can be assured of not losing it, I am reluctant to splash out money that would buy me two whole boxes of extra-fine Pilot G2s, which most people seem to think is the god of pens. For the first time, it occurs to me that the caliber of paper on which I am writing could be making an impact. Something to think about. Damn, I wish I could find that third retractable space pen. (The reason it works is because to extend the pen point you have to pull out on the end rather than pushing a button, making it basically impossible to open accidentally while preserving the efficacy of one-handed operation.)

* The new job has cut into my blogging time. Not because I was blogging at work at the old place, but because, oddly enough, I had a little more clarity of mind after work when I was there. Three months ago, I would leave the office and come home, and before I could even get on the freeway, I had shut off the work portion of my brain and was dedicated to something else. Now, with a new job and having not yet proven myself (and still trying to get my feet under me two weeks in, thanks to the paperwork and byzantine complexities of this particular contract), I find that even though I’m not thinking about work after hours, there is a low-grade fug that’s probably a by-product of the anxieties that go along with being back in ramp-up mode. It’s comforting to see that I was writing the same things three years ago, though – and as it stands at the moment, I have one built-in upcoming disaster to help weather and then a built-in two-week break from same, which means I have an excellent opportunity to prove my chops without getting burnt out early in the process. Always good to hope.

* It’s finally autumnal and crispy at night, and the days have been heavy and leaden and overcast and not warm at all. PERFECT. I could take 360 days a year like this. Maybe I really should consider a transfer to Scotland…

The LORD giveth, and the LORD taketh away…

Well, there’s Vandy down the tank. Needed that one. And I seriously doubt that Kentucky will roll over for us. No undefeated teams left in the SEC. Stand by for some sclub school like South Florida or Hawaii getting a berth in the title game. Actually, don’t. The undeserving teams always get paired with the ones they’re most likely to beat, so they can eke out a win and them complain that they deserve a piece of the title. How about this: play more than one ranked team and then talk to me. Better yet, play the #1 team on a neutral site. Be sure to write out your farewells to loved ones first. If South Florida had to go into Tiger Stadium in Baton Rouge, you could bury the whole team in one casket. Preferably closed.

Meanwhile, Cal…memo to Kevin Riley: there will be better days coming. Freshmen were put on this earth to do stupid things, and if that stunt you pulled in the last 14 seconds is the dumbest thing you do on or off the field this year, you got off light. Believe me when I say that. You did a lot of good things under trying circumstances, and will get better with every opportunity. However, deciding to leg it with a linebacker between you and the endzone – with a 29-yard tying field goal still possible if you threw the ball away – was hands down the stupidest !!!!-ing thing anyone has done all year in college football. I know Tedford was defending you up and down in public, which is good, but somebody needs to tie a cinderblock to your ankles in practice this week. THROW – IT – AWAY.

Your new Top 3: Ohio State, Boston College, South Florida. Everything that has happened in college football for the last 10 years has made it a worse game, and I’m running out of patience. Most of all, I’m getting sick of one 5-win season after another in Nashville. Even an Alabama team crippled by probation with an amiable dunce at the controls managed 10 wins and a New Years’ Day bowl. Either suck less or cancel football.

Say what you like about our football…

…but you can’t quibble with our alums.

Muhammed Yunus 2006

Al Gore 2007

VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY

BACK-TO-BACK NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

PWN3D!!!!!!

(yeah, your boy is NEVER claiming his undergrad school again. How glad am I that I didn’t get the tattoo?)