The less said about the training the better. \u00a0My brains were running out my ears like melted butter by the end of it. No, this is about the good part – the eight nights on Oahu (or as the Irish call it, O\u2019ahu). \u00a0The Cayce Pollard soul-lag was effectively eliminated, thanks to powering on my phone on arrival and finding that Vanderbilt had beaten Florida at football for the first time since the Dead Sea was only sick.<\/p>\n
The front end of the trip was very good – three nights in a Kailua bed-and-breakfast, one big room with the long horizontal blinds and low ceiling that evoke Disney-style Polynesian. \u00a0And when the rain is absolutely caning it down outside, it makes for an amazingly relaxing and restful night\u2019s sleep. \u00a0For a town of almost 40,000, it feels small and sleep and relaxed, possibly thanks to a very compact downtown, possibly because we were only a 5-minute stroll through residential neighborhoods to a pristine white beach chock-full of para-surfers. \u00a0The market\/coffeeshop\/neighborhood hangout that provided me with my morning Kona only added to the feel of a place where I\u2019d be more than happy to retire and just chill\u2026provided with satellite TV and high-speed broadband, of course.<\/p>\n
The back end of the trip was also good for different reasons. \u00a0Waikiki is exactly the sort of tourist nightmare that leads to bumper stickers on cars in Kailua reading \u201cGo Back To Waikiki\u201d – as if one took the Vegas Strip and replaced all the gambling with Japanese people. (Seriously, the one-every-ten-feet ABC Stores will take yen instead of dollars if asked.) \u00a0But away from the hustle and bustle of tacky souvenirs, luxury goods purveyors and wildly assorted dining, there\u2019s one of the oldest hotels on the beach: the Royal Hawaiian, also known as the Pink Palace, now known as the apotheosis of the Vandy Lifestyle meme. \u00a0Because one of the shopping developments sits between it and the street, with the back wall facing the jungle perimeter of the back lawn, it is amazingly<\/em> quiet and feels almost secluded, which takes some doing. \u00a0But if you just want to relax, that\u2019s the spot.<\/p>\n Because it seems almost impossible to be stressed in that hotel. \u00a0There are no doors to speak of on the main level – all the lanais and patios and pretty much the entire reception area are wide-open archways, they\u2019re draping leis and bead necklaces over your as soon as you step out of the car (which the valet will whisk away), the \u201clow-end\u201d Wi-Fi runs for free at a 10-megabit clip, there\u2019s free guava juice at check-in and free Mai Tais waiting at the beachside bar, there\u2019s maid service in the morning and turndown service in the evening, and endless drinks and refreshments are summoned and dismissed with a pen stroke under your room number – basically the experience of laying around and doing nothing is made as frictionless as possible. Hell, I went an entire day without ever putting on shoes at once point.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not the sort of vacation we\u2019d normally take, but after a year as trying as this one – health and work and everything-wise – it\u2019s exactly what we needed. \u00a0We had a few sightseeing things, but rarely more than one a day and with no pressure to get anything done, and by Saturday, the only thing we had to do all day was lounge by the pool, reading and soaking up the sun. \u00a0We were free from the existence of a wider world, and it was glorious.<\/p>\n Hawaii was a good place, too. \u00a0When you\u2019re a kid growing up in the South in the 70s, all you know of Hawaii is the intro of the original Hawaii-Five-O, the prize on the Showcase Showdown, or the moment Christmas afternoon when six buff dudes in their lava-lavas are furiously paddling to shore in an outrigger carrying Santa Claus in shorts and a flowered shirt at the beginning of the Aloha Bowl. \u00a0And there\u2019s so much more to it than the beach at Waikiki. \u00a0Personally, I\u2019d be just as happy to reinstate the royal family and see if monarchy can make a better fist of it than our current system of government. \u00a0And next time out, I want to make sure I can take in a Hawaii football game\u2026and maybe even order the spam breakfast at McDonald\u2019s. \u00a0As it is, I\u2019ll wait for my two bespoke aloha shirts to arrive, save my kukui nut lei, and hope that it won\u2019t be another forty years before I can relax in the tropical foliage waiting for either the mai tais or the afternoon showers…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The less said about the training the better. \u00a0My brains were running out my ears like melted butter by the end of it. No, this is about the good part – the eight nights on Oahu (or as the Irish call it, O\u2019ahu). \u00a0The Cayce Pollard soul-lag was effectively eliminated, thanks to powering on my … <\/p>\n