the beginning of my college experience<\/a> and how it all went wrong, but…<\/p>\nThere is another edit.<\/p>\n
In this edit, I don\u2019t panic at the failure of my abortive Greek experience, and I don\u2019t latch onto the first girl who shows an interest for fear no one else will. \u00a0In this edit, the show I fell in love with over the summer becomes the hook by which I meet some other people, and we watch the season premiere with coffee and cherry pie to see if Dale Cooper was really shot dead at the end. In this edit, I meet some fun and interesting people who aren\u2019t tied to the Greeks or the theater department and who have an interest in politics and this new show called Seinfeld (since Jerry Seinfeld is honoring a prior commitment and doing a standup show on campus despite his new program taking off like a rocket since then). In this edit, I pile in a car with people, go buy ice cream, and have to eat it all because it doesn\u2019t fit in the dorm fridge. In this edit, I don\u2019t have all my chips on one immature and jealous girl and I actually make friends instead, because I make a smart decision instead of panicking.<\/p>\n
And that\u2019s where the film runs out, because I don\u2019t have footage of that decision, because I didn\u2019t make it.<\/p>\n
I have a vivid emotional feeing around September 1990, because it was a liminal moment at its truest. \u00a0There was a brief window where maybe the college experience could have been salvaged, maybe things turn out differently, maybe I get to have an acceptable college experience rather than spending the next twenty years trying to retroactively piece one together out of a scattering of memories and a series of increasingly poorly chosen compensations.<\/p>\n
Maybe I want that sweater to be its own sort of memento mori,<\/em> but in the opposite direction – instead of remembering your own mortality and fragility and inevitable doom, remember that you can make the right call and make life a little better in doing so.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Last night, going through a box of stuff from the crawlspace (as the wife dug out T-shirts to be made into a quilt), we unearthed a particularly unflattering sweater of mine, vintage September 1990. \u00a0I didn\u2019t want to throw it away, but I couldn\u2019t put into words why. \u00a0And then, this morning, came the most … <\/p>\n
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