{"id":2236,"date":"2015-09-10T14:15:58","date_gmt":"2015-09-10T22:15:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/iwasmisinformed.com\/?p=2236"},"modified":"2015-09-10T14:15:58","modified_gmt":"2015-09-10T22:15:58","slug":"if-you-like-pina-coladas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/iwasmisinformed.com\/?p=2236","title":{"rendered":"If you like pina coladas…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Setting aside the fact that song is the worst<\/em> 70s coke-and-Ludes-and-Harvey-Wallbanger fern-bar easy-listening tripe ever, not to mention its hellish gag-gift-of-the-Magi ending, I will do as Guardians of the Galaxy<\/em> did and exploit the theme of the title. \u00a0Today, kids, we\u2019re talking about escape<\/em>.<\/p>\n

This is a topic that\u2019s on my mind a lot<\/em> this summer. Work sucks, out loud, and that\u2019s basically a third of your waking life or more. I don\u2019t much care for the nature of life in Silly Con Valley these days, as 650 gets colonized by Googloids and the axis of yuppie-techie-hipster continues to infect the entire Bay Area. (Does Castro Street in Mountain View need a third<\/em> new artisanal bakery?) The wider world is a shitty, shitty place, especially for people who didn\u2019t have the presence of mind to be born rich white and male. Speaking of, there are over a dozen candidates for the GOP nomination for President, and the only viable Democratic alternative is the same one who was \u201cinevitable\u201d in 2008 and for whom support – for me – is more a matter of \u201cto hell with enthusiasm<\/em>, just do your duty because the alternative is too horrible to contemplate.\u201d And the heat just won\u2019t quit. \u00a0Like everything else, it seems to get less bad for just a little bit, enough to give you hope, and then comes back worse with a vengeance. There is no timeline in which the Bay Area should rightfully see four consecutive daily highs in the 90s in September.<\/p>\n

So what are we going to do to escape<\/em>?<\/p>\n

First let\u2019s get rid of those pina coladas. And the Quaaludes and cocaine, and that bottle of Galliano belongs in the trash anyway. God knows that after being shot up with hydromorphone, I can totally understand how people get hooked on drugs, because that shit – five time stronger than morphine and an ingredient of Ohio\u2019s lethal injection cocktail until 2009 – basically turns you into Jay Cutler. \u00a0DOOOOOONT CAAAAAAAAARE. Escape via substance is not practical, legal or sustainable, because at some point you\u2019re going to need to fall asleep at night without benefit of opiates, alcohol or over-the-counter melatonin. Chemicals can\u2019t actually make it better, so away they go.<\/p>\n

Speaking of substance abuse, what about Burning Man? The sort of people who walk around naked in a desert with a bouquet of feathers tied to their Lou Holtz are the last people on Earth I\u2019d want to socialize with, but they do make an awfully big deal about \u201cgoing home\u201d and having that as their true focus in life. And God knows there are all kinds of ways to craft another identity for yourself if you like, but that\u2019s a temporary respite, even when it\u2019s not inundated in creepy crawly bugs. You have to come back from Black Rock City fifty-one weeks a year. God knows I\u2019ve come to love Disneyland, but that\u2019s as temporary as anything else. If you have to come back, maybe you escaped, but you got caught and returned to general population.<\/p>\n

\u201cChange your circumstances!\u201d So goes the ethos of Silicon Valley, where if your job is making you miserable, that\u2019s your own fault for not following your bliss and monetizing your joy. Problem is, modern life calls for a lot of jobs that don\u2019t exactly lend themselves to that sort of thing. Nobody ever followed their bliss into academic IT support, and I suspect the bus drivers and short-order cooks and and checkout clerks of Santa Clara County aren\u2019t all fulfilling a lifelong dream. Too, the modern tech sector seems optimized for high turnover; the average tenure at Amazon is famously 14 months and much is made of the notion that if you\u2019ve been at a company more than a couple of years, you aren\u2019t sufficiently motivated.<\/p>\n

Looking around the job market, I can tell you for a fact that five years in the same job and a college graduation date in the 1990s are a poisonous combination unless you\u2019re willing to lowball or contract – but to be honest that makes perfect sense, because there\u2019s a constant stream of fresh graduates just thrilled<\/em> to be making money and convinced<\/em> they\u2019re loading themselves into the catapult to wealth and success. \u00a0The biggest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing workers they were professionals because they had a desk and a computer. \u00a0So it\u2019s probably foolish to expect that you can find joy pulling down a paycheck – if you do, then God bless, but it\u2019s not something to expect. \u201cDo what you love\u201d is advice for the privileged who can afford to have their parents or spouse or lottery winnings support their artisanal boutique handcrafted heritage heirloom concept (whose letterpressed business card undoubtedly reads \u201cFart & Washbasin\u201d with a handlebar mustache logo or something similarly ridiculous).<\/p>\n

In the end, for now, it\u2019s going to come down to this: take the things I hate and stop doing them. Unplug from college football. Stop commuting on overcrowded and underfunded transit. Work from 8-ish to 5-ish and when I\u2019m not at work, put it in a box and don\u2019t let it cross my mind without crossing right back out again. And then identify the things I enjoy doing, the things that make me feel better, the things I love, and do them every chance I get. \u00a0We\u2019ll get on a train and go. We\u2019ll fly to Hawaii, we\u2019ll experience Birmingham without my relations hovering nearby, we\u2019ll stop faffing about needing to go somewhere else first and just go back to London. Maybe I won\u2019t go down the pub that much, but I\u2019ll make sure there\u2019s enough for a pint or two at home and take Sunday night to get lost in a good book while sipping my drink and relaxing in the recliner (which itself sees precious less use than it should). If I want to buy the $10 Nerf gun, I\u2019ll stop wittering on about it for months and waiting for some sort of pay hike to roll around and just !-ing do it already. I will stockpile the resources for the life I want so that when the opportunity to live it comes, I\u2019ll be equipped and ready.\u00a0<\/p>\n

And if that\u2019s all I can do for now, so be it. Tomorrow I\u2019ll try to think of something else.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Setting aside the fact that song is the worst 70s coke-and-Ludes-and-Harvey-Wallbanger fern-bar easy-listening tripe ever, not to mention its hellish gag-gift-of-the-Magi ending, I will do as Guardians of the Galaxy did and exploit the theme of the title. \u00a0Today, kids, we\u2019re talking about escape. This is a topic that\u2019s on my mind a lot this … <\/p>\n

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