It’s all too beautiful

Okay, I admit that “Bridge of Sighs” is probably a little too poetic. But it is an elevated overpass walkway between two buildings, it is floor to ceiling glass, it is in an academic setting, and look, if you were surrounded on either side by redwoods and morning fog you’d probably get all poetic ‘n shit.

So that’s not a bad way to improve your outlook first thing on getting to work. Of course, the best way to improve your Outlook is to rip it out at the roots and install the Zimbra client instead. =)

This is why I don’t watch hockey anymore.

Well, I’m just now getting around to watching my former boss’s boss’s boss do the MWSF keynote this year. Listening to the early returns, though, it should be fairly obvious why Himself skipped this one: there’s literally nothing new to report. New versions of iLife and iWork, and the new MacBook paradigm comes to the Pro 17″ model, and iTunes changes its model ever so slightly…

Om’s people are right about iTunes, I think – tiered pricing where the top tier is only $1.29 isn’t that big a deal when the same 30 cents is coming off other tracks. Internet pricing tends to be a race to the bottom – after all, once you adjust for infrastructure costs and rights, there’s not really much else you can do for a value-add and the main competition has to be on price. And if people get used to the idea that everything but the latest hottest American Idol dreck should be 69 cents rather than 99…well, could be a problem.

Anyway, there’s nothing revolutionary today. There’s nothing, really, that wasn’t there in some form previously. Normally we’re used to getting game-changers at MWSF – the Mac mini and iPod shuffle in 2005, the surprise Intel launch in 2006, the iPhone reveal in 2007, the MacBook Air last year. Nothing this year is a radical change or a new product category or the sort of thing that takes all the air out of CES. And at this point in Apple’s history, where we’re preparing for a post-Steve world, you don’t waste the big man on this kind of stuff. Sure, he got up there at many a MacWorld past and made chicken salad out of much more fragrant feces than were offered today, but that was Back Then – before Apple was the top music retailer, the overwhelming owner of the digital music industry and the maker of the #1 selling mobile phone in the country. In 2009, a couple of software updates and a slight hardware stretch aren’t that big a deal, and Steve only does big deals.

Phil Schiller was always amusing as Steve’s sidekick – especially for those who knew what an absolutely relentless hardass he was in real live, whether it was rooting on the Red Sox or cracking the whip in Product Marketing. But let’s face it – there’s a reason you’ve never seen Robin: The Movie. He’s not terrible – let’s face it, he kicks the shit out of Gil Amelio or the kinds of drudgery during the Spindler nightmare. But he’s not Steve, and he will get grilled for it.

Oh yeah – at a beer bash a couple of years ago, we went at it mouthing off about the Sharks vs the Predators. A couple of hours later, one of my co-workers said “I can’t believe you had the sack to talk like that to Phil Schiller.” At which point I blasphemed at the top of my lungs and demanded to know when exactly they planned to tell me who that was and now my expletive badge wasn’t going to work in the morning. As it turns out, it did – but only because Vokoun stopped only 40 of 43 and the Preds lost. I hope he gave all his defensemen a wood shampoo when they got back to Nash Vegas. But yeah, if you’re curious why I’m not into hockey, it’s because deep down, I feel it could still turn out to be a career-limiting move.

Day One

You know you’re not in government sub-contracting anymore when you walk in and there’s already a big smokin’-fast Dell under your desk, pre-configured so your AD account will let you in.

You REALLY know you’re not in government sub-contracting when you’re told you will be issued a phone, and your options are the iPhone 3G or the Blackberry Bold.

And government sub-contracting is a wee tiny speck on the distant past horizon when, almost as an afterthought, they ask whether you want a MacBook Pro or a MacBook for a laptop, and the MacBook is not the correct answer, apparently.

If this job goes awry, it won’t be for lack of material resources, and you can put that on a float in the Rose Parade.

Oh and another thing…

Anyone who thinks Utah deserves a piece of some mythical national championship needs to sign a pledge, in writing, to never ever ever bitch about another league’s non-conference scheduling ever again. If Utah deserves a title, then strength of schedule means nothing, and no team should receive any scorn whatsoever for maximizing the number of automatic wins in their schedule.

if anybody has a beef, it’s USC, whose 11-1 run through the Pac-10 suddenly looks a hell of a lot better given the Pac-10’s beatdown of all comers in this year’s bowl derby. And at the very least – given Oregon and Ole Miss – the people arguing that the Big 12 plays defense and that their offenses are JUST! THAT! AMAZING! plainly need to do some rethinking. I mean, Texas Tech gave up in a half what Vandy gave up the entire game (and the ‘Dores won, to boot)…

I think your four team playoff was set pretty well before we started: Florida, Oklahoma, USC, Utah. Nobody else has a case. The ACC and Big East are barely better than the MWC, and let’s not even get started on the Big Ten. Once again, if you seriously want to settle this on the field, you don’t have to go deeper than four. (Bama and Texas have a beef? Shoulda won your conference.)

Honestly, at this point, if the 1990 rules are still in effect?

ROSE: USC-PSU

SUGAR: Florida-Texas

FIESTA: Oklahoma-Utah

ORANGE: Alabama-VaTech

COTTON: Cincy-Texas Tech

If everything works out like you’d expect, USC, Florida and Utah are all clamoring that they deserve a piece of the title…and fat fucking shocker, that’s EXACTLY what we have now.

Blow it up. Blow it all up. No playoff, no BCS, nothing. Go back to the way things were in 1990 and not one single thing will be any worse off.

Well that sucked.

I actually skipped the Sugar Bowl, almost in its entirety. Thank goodness for people coming into town to visit – dinner, drinks and a bout of emergency shoe and USB hub shopping (really!) made it possible for me to miss the game almost completely.

Good thing, too, because to all accounts, Alabama shat the bed in truly epic fashion. This is going to make the SEC look very, very bad, even before throwing fuel on the fire of all the nimrods who think Utah and Boise State deserve BCS bids in perpetuity. You can bet there are going to be serious recriminations now, especially vis-a-vis a) whether Andre Smith’s offense was truly suspension-worthy if it didn’t entail NCAA risk and b) why the spread-option is Nick Saban’s Kryptonite this year. Number one in the country, followed by a two-game swoon in two of the three (or four it you’re me) biggest games of the year is not the kind of thing that people will let lie.

But hey – Vandy, son. Just mathed it up and realized that the Dores have 18 of 22 starters returning from the team that beat BC. Add that to an SEC East without Stafford, Moreno or Tebow, the complete collapse of South Carolina, and the spectacle of Hello Kiffy trying to coach in the SEC – you have to think that 6 or 7 wins should be repeatable next year. SHOULD be. Any Vanderbilt supporter will tell you, though – no guarantee is good enough and there’s no swoon too deep for the Dores to take.

This Is The Day

365 days ago, I padded downstairs to make coffee and watch the Rose Parade. As other people woke up from the party the night before, started putting together breakfast and generally recovering their senses, I watched a bunch of anthropomorphic M&Ms advertise themselves with a song that sounded vaguely familiar. I did some Googling and found it out was a song by The The.

Yeah, that’s right. My great inspiration for the year came from a chocolate commercial.

I don’t think it’s any secret that 2007 just sucked out loud. I told myself that day, “Are you better off than you were 12 months ago? If not, what are you going to do about it?”

I’m not all the way back yet. I’m out to resolve some things that have been out there in my life for a long, long time, and one of them is to recognize that there’s no quick fix for the things that are really important. So the comeback is not complete, but the trend is 180 degrees from where it was this time last year on the afternoon of December 31.

One thing I did manage was to write more than I had been. I thank you all for bearing with me, and dearly hope I can keep it up without the crutch of a Presidential election or without descending into utter solipsistic wankery. I promise to come up with more diverse amusements in 2009.

So…another 365?

16-14

I fly like paper, get high like planes

If you catch me at the border I got visas in my name

If you come around here, I make ’em all day

I get one down in a second if you wait

Sometimes I think sitting on trains

Every stop I get to I’m clocking that game

Everyone’s a winner, we’re making our fame

Bonafide hustler making my name

Pirate skulls and bones

Sticks and stones and weed and bongs

Running when we hit ’em

Lethal poison through their system

No one on the corner has swagger like us

Hit me on my Burner prepaid wireless

We pack and deliver like UPS trucks

Already going hell just pumping that gas


Four months ago, when somebody borrowed a lyric from M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes” to advertise their season-opening house party at Vanderbilt, the idea that the Commodores had anything to offer this season seemed laughable at best. The stars were poorly aligned in conference – Ole Miss and Georgia on the road, a brutal Mississippi State defense (Sly Croom coming off coach of the year), Auburn coming to town, and Kentucky not really suggesting pushover. In the non-conference, at Wake Forest looked tough. Nobody looked at the schedule and saw more than three or four wins.

Nobody saw 5-0.

And then, it just all went to hell, so badly and so inexplicably – slipping away against MSU, falling apart against Duke – and you wonder if you’re really going to piss away the best start since World War II. And then one more win, there’s Big Six, and then two more losses, and suddenly you’re sweating out even getting a bowl bid before trying to make the best of playing in your hometown. And it turns out that playing at home is the best thing you could have hoped for, because your home fans are there for you in force.

They finally did again what they’d done in the first place: perfect football. No turnovers. No penalties. Nothing to beat yourself. When you can play like that, you can play anybody tough even if you can’t deliver a single offensive touchdown. And you can usually turn out just enough to win, beat your third ranked opponent of the season, beat your fifth bowl team of the season, deliver a winning record for the first time since 1982.

They don’t call it a hard six for nothing…but you’d much rather just throw the seven.

Ghost of Christmas Present

Food poisoning is no joke, kids. At least I’m pretty sure that’s what it was. All I know is that I woke up at 4 AM on the 26th with my entire metabolism on blue-screen, and spent the next twelve hours hanging out with Bobby Hurley and Rhea Perlman (ask the DC folks) and outright delirious (ask the wife) before finally crashing to sleep, hard, for the next 17 hours. By morning on the 27th, the fever was broken and I was generally asymptomatic, and I posted on time for the Emerald Bowl tailgate on a rooftop in China Basin. What can I say, I’m a gamer.

I will say, however, that it was basically the WORST hangover of my life, and I treated it as such – nothing stronger than a couple bottles of Guinness save for one very dilute Irish coffee at the ballpark, nothing wilder or spicier than a plain hamburger on the rooftop or a bowl of oatmeal at breakfast or cold fried chicken after the game. (I didn’t eat one bit of solid food on the 26th, but I can put away the Pedialyte and Gatorade like a CHAMP.) And I had to keep the shouting to a bare minimum – in a state like that, every decibel is precious and has to be saved for the most vital moment, like that defensive surge in the final moments that led to the Pain Train liberating the football and Cal eking out a bare victory over Al-Qaeda University. Actually, I suppose I would reluctantly root for the ‘Canes over Al-Qaeda…but I would pray like hell that they didn’t cover. EIther way, there’s nothing like seeing a bunch of Miami fans trying to chant that Cal didn’t cover and telling them “Congratulations, you’re officially the Miami Commodores.”

I’m not sanguine about our bowl, obviously.

Christmas? Oh, that went very well. I got a lot of nifty little things (especially the $illy coffee siphon, which is a brewing mechanism for engineers and smart-asses if ever there was one) and will finish with a whole stack of books and DVDs that have long needed reading/viewing. And before you mock me, I will point out that the wife has had the Wii on her Amazon wish list since the summer and when I found one available for ready money, I took the opportunity. She has controller #1, in case you doubt whose it is. (And in case you think “oh right, he got HER a WII, suuure,” I also got her another little something that came in a box in a fetching shade, so I did my husbandly duty and don’t you forget it.)

I did however get myself NCAA Football 09. I’m not made of stone.

I also got a High School Musical night-light in the White Elephant swap, but managed to unload it in trade for a teapot. Not a particularly fetching teapot, I must say, but there’s another swap next year…

Ghost of Christmas Past, part 3 of n

In a lot of ways, Christmas 1994 was the high-water mark of my grad school career. I hadn’t gotten any grades yet, so there was no real sense that I might be doing quite badly. My then-girlfriend was off to California for Christmas with her family, so I didn’t have that hanging over me. As the semester wound down, there was a whole social ramble to contend with, and when it ended, I went home with a big leather coat, a goatee, and the air and aspect of the big-alligator alum returning to the old patch.

What really stands out, though, is the crew. I hadn’t had “my gang” in five years – certainly there was nothing of the sort on offer in college, and my team graduated a year ahead of me in high school for the most part. But within a couple of months, our oversized class of first-years had somehow becomes known as “the Herd.” Which was a subset of the larger “Family” of grad students in PSCI (for “Family” think “Manson” or maybe “Gambino”). We did things together, had signature features (Red Dog…I actually drank Red Dog. It isn’t a crime exactly, you can’t go to jail for it, but it’s kind of a disgrace, almost as bad as being vice president), had a reputation as the Oakland Raiders of Vanderbilt Graduate School, won the C-league intramural softball title. Our women got dated and our men got fleeced (trust the sucker from down South to admit having $70 in his pocket when everybody else was mysteriously broke in line for beer at the Mapco). We dressed up to go drink at the Oak Bar and went bowling at midnight and howled drunkenly for the GRINCH and slumped in hung over as one.

So when I swaggered home, in my Maynard G. Krebs starter-kit goatee and my huge overstuffed leather coat (which another grad student christened “the Elk”), it was with a confidence and sense of belonging I hadn’t had in years, and it made it all the better to link up with my old crew again back home. Especially now that we could all drink, which meant that horrifyingly bad Garcia Y Vega cigars ($3 for four!) on the concourse at Bulls games were followed by beers at the Garages and vigorous debates over SLIP vs PPP and whether it was worth paying extra to have other than a terminal connection to the Internet.

Oh yeah…I had Internet access for the first time. And it was so amazing that I actually drove back to Nashville during Christmas break to check my email. It was, as it turns out, a life-transforming experience.

Naturally, it would all go wrong in the spring, but under the cold clear skies of December 1994, life was just about perfect. And to this day, whenever I hear Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers wailing “Christmas All Over Again,” I can close my eyes for just a second and there I am…first-round draft pick, shiny Saturn SC2 with less than 20K miles on it, new Nikes laced up tight, class rings on both hands, leading the charge with Chris, Craig, Nicole, Stephanie and Tracy. The good old days may not be as great as we remember…but those? Were.

MoBlog

So here I am in theater 9, AMC Cupertino Square. This is where I saw Transformers…I can only hope Quantum of Solace is better. Worst case scenario: it’s Die Another Day II, I eat some Uno pizza and drink a big Zero, and that’s two hours donked off. At least I had credit on last year’s AMC gift card, so the flick itself is paid for. Makes me feel slightly better about $12 for a mini pizza and a small vat of soda…