“ROCKY TOP, YOU’LL NEVER BE, ONE DAMN THING TO ME! PISS ON ROCKY TOP (WOOOOO!) GO TO HELL TENNESSEE, GO TO HELL TENNESSEE!!!!!”
“IF I HAD THE WINGS OF AN EAGLE, IF I HAD THE TAIL OF A CROW, I’D FLY MYSELF RIGHT OVER KNOXVILLE, AND SHIT ON THOSE BASTARDS BELOW!!!!!”
“OH IT’S ALL GONE QUIET OVER THERE, OH IT’S ALL GONE QUIET OVER THERE, OH IT’S ALL GONE QUIET OH IT’S ALL GONE QUIET OH IT’S ALL GONE QUIET OVER THERE!!!!!!!”
Vawls gonna Vawl. After stealing a fluke-play win in overtime at home, and celebrating like they’d won the Super Bowl, and talking all manner of shit on radio and Internet leading up to Saturday, Derek Dooley led the Tennessee Volunteers into Nashville for what would ultimately prove to be his last game – because he and his team were on the wrong end of a worse beating than a 13-year-old with a Victoria’s Secret catalog. The nationally-vaunted Tennessee offense was held to exactly one offensive touchdown (the other coming off a fluky kick return, the second year in a row that ambiguous officiating let the Vols run for a late touchdown). Tyler Bray, aptly named after the sound a jackass makes, did some inexplicable fierce voguing at the Vandy bench before subsequently finding himself sacked repeatedly, coughing up three interceptions and never finding the end zone again.
And most satisfying of all: after Vandy hung three unanswered touchdowns out of the locker room at halftime (where they had taken a 13-10 lead), the Vawl faithful responded by starting to stream out of the stadium at the end of the third quarter. Faithless in the face of adversity. Craven in defeat. You know…Vawls. All mouth and no spine, their collective ass unable to cash the check their words wrote for a year. At least a school known for butt-chugging should be familiar with finding a foreign object lodged in their asses.
The best part, though, is that Vanderbilt has more SEC wins this year alone than Tennessee has to show for the past three seasons combined. For the second year, Tennessee will stay home for bowl season and look up the standings to see Vandy above them, playing against after Christmas. Two years ago, the Commodores were 2-10. This year, they’re 7-4 with Wake Forest and the bowl game left to play, and they’ve already opened as a favorite at Wake.
And all of the SEC is talking about James Franklin and where he will wind up – because the possibility that this is what Vanderbilt is now is too horrifying to contemplate, especially for the bottom third of the conference. Franklin has delivered in two years what I was hoping for in five. And that’s why the Vawls are so invested in him going elsewhere…because deep down, they’re terrified that our ships have passed in the night, and theirs is the one sinking.
ANCHOR. DOWN. -|–>