(NB: Everything posted under these four “The search for time lost” posts was composed in real time as noted.)
Standing in the Conservatory of the Opryland Hotel, I understand the fascination now. It’s everything I wanted from Disney World back in the 1990s: the artificial reality, the vast open space, the surreal sense that something different could happen here. And I’m glad we stayed here, the wife and I, the first time I brought her to Nashville nine years ago. Especially coming straight from a Disney resort. And the fact that it’s only about a fifteen minute drive from West End means I would totally and absolutely do this next year. Pick out a good home game, plan for at least three days, stay at the Opryland hotel, see all of Nashville, tailgate like I mean it and hopefully for more than three hours.
This weekend was a test. 15 years after leaving under my own ignominious circumstances, what does Vanderbilt mean to me now?
One thing I learned is that I’ve matured. I bought no jerseys, sweatshirts, hats, nothing I didn’t actually need. My big splurge was a new polo shirt (in gold dri-fit suitable for Cal games), a new lanyard, a new book about the history of Vanderbilt football, and one utterly superfluous scarf. I guess I already own all the things I need to make me feel I belong to Vanderbilt.
What I got out of this weekend was what almost every other SEC fan who never attended their school has. I was a fan among fans. I tailgated, I drank, I cheered, I had a great time. My fandom, my authenticity as a Vanderbilt supporter, has finally been confirmed beyond question for me. And really, I’m the only one who needed to prove it – absolutely nobody else doubted it.
I don’t want to make too much of this, but it’s entirely possible that for the first time, I may have actually retrieved something from the black hole and brought it back. It doesn’t have to be what it used to be, it can be what it is now. Which has been what I’ve struggled to learn for years now: stop trying to be who you were and just become who you are…