An Imperial Proclamation

WHEREAS Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has been a Loyal and True Ally of Our Realm, and clings to her Throne with the tenacity of a Bull-dog worrying a Soup-Bone;

AND WHEREAS She has consented to send her Grand-son into harm’s way in the Service of her Realm, unlike Some Executives We could Name;

AND WHEREAS he has overcome the Prejudice normally accorded a Ginger Bastard in his Service and the Acclaim Accorded him by his Fellows;

AND WHEREAS a certain Online Personage has brought about the DIsclosure of this Fact, thus bringing Peril upon said Grand-son and his Fellows;

NOW THEREFORE be it order by Emperor Morton I, Emperor of the United States, Protector of Mexico, and King-in-Exile of the Four Provinces, that Our Imperial Subject styling himself “Matt Drudge” is hereby proclaimed to be an Ass-Canchre and a Blight on the Realm;

AND FURTHERMORE he is to be marked as a Four-Flusher, a Bounder and a Cad, as well as a Foppish Dandy worthy of the Harsh Regard of the Local Constabulary;

AND FURTHERMORE than No Aid nor Comfort nor other Imperial Protection shall devolve upon his Person, and that in the Eventuality that Her Majesty’s Secret Service may chuse to attempt his Termination, that no Impediment shall be Given their Course, provided that said Agents do not attempt any Conviviality with the Women of Our Realm, as their Propensity for Wanton Shaggery is well-known in the Councils of the Nations, and We do not wish to see our Realm littered with the Bastard Offspring of a Thousand Loveless Couplings.

SO BE IT ORDERED by My hand from Our Palace in the Ploughboy Mansion, in the Duchy of California, this day the 28th of February, being the Second Year of Our Imperial Reign.

GOD SAVE THE ME!!!

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