Whatever. I don’t think I saw one thing in the livestream say it was available today other than maybe that Google Photos book printing function…which we had in 2010 and before through iPhoto. The words “soon” and “later this year” and “in the coming weeks/months” were used enough that as one Tweeter said, “if you had a drinking game you’d be dead.”
You ain’t shit ’til you ship. Real artists ship. Google is trading in vaporware again, when they aren’t taking their second or third bite at the same apple (pun kind of intended). Android O will finally be the one that sorts out the battery life issue (which Lollipop was supposed to fix in 2015) or the update issue (which the Android Mobile Alliance was supposed to fix in 2011). Android Go will put viable non-sucktastic low-end hardware in the hands of developing-world customers, just like Android One was supposed to. The biggest upset was that we didn’t get Yet Another Google Messaging Application, although I suppose the inexplicable Super Chat in YouTube might count.
These days, I look at Google and I see Hooli: the tech company equivalent of a guy who thinks that because he made a lot of money at one thing, he is a genius at everything and qualified to be anything. Apple is a lot more circumspect about it – they don’t actually release their self-driving technology or their virtual reality play or their home voice computing setup when it’s obviously beta-grade, Siri jokes aside – but they’re at no less risk of getting high on their own flatus and disappearing up their own collective ass. Microsoft is yesterday’s news. Amazon is Wal-Mart with a website and a power-wash. Yahoo is a zombie with two legs missing. Facebook is a gigantic data-miner profiting off the most underreported bait and switch in the history of technology, speaking of guys who got rich at one thing and think it makes them a genius.
What does that leave? The broadband companies are pure evil. Most of your third-wave tech companies are some mundane function laundered through an app and enough regulatory arbitrage and loophole-bending to keep lawyers farting through silk for eternity, and almost all of them are losing money and burning venture capital to build market share in hopes they can get rich before they get exposed. Right now, there’s a collection of basic bros with a news site, a co-working room and some rudimentary event planning who have convinced people they’re a VR startup to the tune of $4 million (and a scorching-hot sexual harassment case which they will certainly lose).
More than ever before, there are two tech sectors now. One is plugging along at things like security, back-of-house software, power management engineering, the things that are actually important in getting things done. The other is bending rules and breaking laws to get you everything your mother doesn’t do for you since you graduated and trying to serve up some tits on the side. One of these is getting media and money and being made the harbinger of our modern economy, and it’s the wrong fucking one.
Silicon Valley is where your future is coming from. You won’t like it.
ETA: looks like the Google Assistant for iOS did ship today, which is a bit of a conundrum: I’m curious whether it can work with your non-Google email or text or such, or if it’s basically just a voice-activated hook into your Google ecosystem for your non-Android device. But since I don’t have much of a Google ecosystem other than what I test on the Moto X, it’s probably not for me anyway. Which is worth noting – everything is about getting you plugged deeper and deeper into the Google data ecosystem. Apple wants you to buy their gadgets, Google wants to have your information. One is a lot more alarming form of lock-in.