Disasterbation, n. the act of supporting Cal football. orig. Stagger Lee, Sept. 2008.
To quote directly:
In retrospect, it should have been obvious to a small child that this is the way to beat Cal this year: stack the box to stop the deadly Jahvid Best, overload on the pass rush, and force a quarterback in his first full season to make plays to receivers with a combined total of four catches and no starts when the season began.
Well, another year hasn’t improved things much. Oregon did just that, and at last check are up 39 on the Golden Bears. After losing to Boise State, everybody wrote off Oregon, and neglected to look up when they pounded Utah, and now the hayseed hippies of UC-Eugene are delivering the worst defeat of the Tedford era.
This is a team loss in every sense of the word. Offense: feckless. Defense: helpless. Special teams: anytime your superstar punter delivers a punt for five yards, you know how special teams are doing.
It’s time to ask the question: is Jeff Tedford capable of delivering a must-win game? Think about it: since 2002, when’s the last time Cal won a significant victory against a meaningful opponent? They had to miracle out wins in bowls against Virginia Tech and Air Force and Miami, they’ve still never won in Los Angeles under Tedford, the Texas Tech fiasco is known to all and sundry. The Oregon State loss in 2007 when a win would have sent Cal to #1 in the country. The Big Game that year when a win might have salvaged the biggest collapse since the walls of Jericho.*
Tedford’s big kills are: a triple-OT win at home against USC in 2003 and a Holiday Bowl disemboweling of Texas A&M. Other than that, the team has struggled against teams it should beat, frequently backed into wins against teams it should have blown off the field, and – reliably – lost every single consequential road game since 2002.
Jeff Tedford has hitherto gone unchallenged by a fan base of Old Blues who remember the age of Tom Holmoe and haven’t seen a Rose Bowl in fifty years and are just grateful to be televised and ranked. And if you are happy with 8 wins a year, occasional bouts of top-25 ranking, and a rock-solid home record, and can live with being a sub-500 team on the road and spitting the bit at the most pivotal moment, that might be enough. But the day is coming, and coming soon, when people start asking what it’s going to take for the Bears to finally break through.
* A collapse surpassed the next year by Vanderbilt, who lost to the likes of Mississippi State and Duke in the course of pissing away a 5-0 start.