Are my eyes really blue?

* I’ve voted already. If you still don’t know by now who you’re voting for, then don’t bother, beause quite frankly you’re not smart enough to vote. You should also stay away from sharp objects and might want to avoid anything more intellectually rigorous than Family Guy.

* There are not a lot of artists whose new material I will buy on day one without regard for cost or preview. Bruce Springsteen, U2, Voice of the Beehive (and let’s face it, there’s not gonna be much more of that)…and now, the Killers. Based on the first two tracks on SNL, they have made The Leap. Day and Age drops November 22. Run, don’t walk.

* It’s remarkable what you’ll sit and watch in HD. They were running something about caves on Discovery HD Sunday night and I sat there like a drooling slack-jawed moron. OK, a worse one.

* If you have these, you should be shot dead where you stand. No trial, no appeal, nothing. If you seriously want this, you need to die.

* God Almighty, I’m in a sour mood considering where my teams are. May just be Tuesday. I could never get the hang of Tuesdays.

* Wow…good job I was on a long-term holding pattern with AAPL, huh? (bangs head on table)

* A word of advice to Tessa and Anna: “I may never get to see this in my entire life!” is no longer an operable excuse for staying up past your bedtime. Nevertheless, congratulations, and tell your folks you could go to bed a lot earlier without missing anything if you all came West.

* Where’s my coffee? I have to start the morning by swapping around three UPS units in the server room and I’m not doing that without some caffeine in the system.

* My Buddy Vince Sez that Bernie Mac just changed a tire on his Charger. He fully expects it to light up on fire like Ghost Rider now.

Finis.

Not much to say about Bama or Cal – they both won, they both could have looked better doing it, and Cal still has a QB controversy not improved by Tedford’s refusal to grant Kevin Riley a single snap against Arizona State (apparently overthrown passes and an INT aren’t a problem if you’re wearing a 6). But the real story of this weekend was the two teams of my acquaintance who spotted their foes two touchdowns in the first quarter…and shut them down the rest of the way.

Never has the NFL’s disdain for the Redskins been so obvious as when the schedule came out. Opening with three division road games in the first five weeks (plus the Saints) made it pretty clear that Roger and his little band of reprobates wanted Washington out of the way in a hurry. Before the season started, I’d have predicted 1-4 over the first five, maybe 2-3 if luck broke incredibly well. Didn’t expect 4-1 – and as for the 1, I have seen nothing indicating that the Giants would be materially better than the Redskins when they meet up again at FedEx. It’s not like the Skins were blown out in that game…and in the next month, they get to play the Rams, the Browns and the Lions. Oh, and they still haven’t turned the ball over yet on the year.

But Vanderbilt…what can you say? The backup QB picks apart Auburn with the short passing game when the run isn’t there, the defense throttles both the spread and the power-I, the announcers are blown away, and it all ends the next morning when Vanderbilt rises to #13 in the AP poll. If they win next week, it will match their best start since 1928…and give them their first taste of bowl eligibility since 1982.

This is a special year, and if you didn’t believe it before, the completely full student section should tell you. In my day, they turned out in coats and ties and Laura Ashley dresses, showed up at the beginning of the second quarter already bombed, and left halfway through the third to go back to the frathouse and drink some more. Now they show up in all black – some of them with their entire body painted black and/or gold, even the co-eds – and they stay all the way through to the end, through a curtain call for the team, and sing the entire alma mater at the end. When they screamed out the bit about “CONQUER! AND! PREVAIL!” there were chills up my spine.

If this is really it – if this is where the corner was turned and the the miserable sad-sack Vandy of old that always fell apart down the stretch was finally buried – history will record that our world turned around at 8 PM on October 4, 2008 in Nashville, at the expense of the Auburn Tigers.

Magic.

To see College Gameday on campus for the first time ever. To see the team you were raised to hate held to FOUR (4) YARDS RUSHING in the second half. To see their QB eat grass five times. To see them held scoreless for the last forty-eight minutes. To see signs like “Everyone’s SEC Pushover No more!” and “MY BUTLER WENT TO AUBURN” and “THE GEEKS SHALL INHERIT THE TURF” and “4-0 NOT JUST OUR GPA ANYMORE.” To see Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit throwing up the VU sign. To beat Auburn for the first time since 1955. To be 3-0 in the SEC for the first time since 1950. To be 5-0 for the first time since 1943. To be all alone, undefeated, at the top of the SEC East, for the first time in history.

To have the phone blow off the hook in the last three minutes with phone calls, text messages, voicemail, Twitter. To see that score, 14-13, flashing across the screen, and know that from Brooklyn to Los Angeles, from San Francisco to Mobile to Virginia, people are thinking of you and your team.

You can wait an entire lifetime for a day like this. Thankfully it’s only taken me 14 years.

(13) AUBURN 13

(19) VANDERBILT 14

FINAL

NO ONE ON THE CORNER HAS SWAGGER LIKE US

DYNAMITE GO VU!!!!!!!!!

Palin’s Small-Town Snobbery: Why it’s time to bury the myth of rural virtue – Reason Magazine:

The myth of rural virtue and urban vice is an old one in this country, and it persists no matter what the changes in the landscape. And whatever questions Palin may face in her debate with Biden, her paeans to small-town virtue aren’t likely to be among them.

Most Americans, it seems, can tolerate hearing of the superiority of the small town, as long as they don’t have to live in one. You wouldn’t know it from listening to country music stations, or to the governor of Alaska, but four out of every five Americans choose not to reside in rural areas…

Nicked from Reason magazine. I don’t know how it got to the point that all my content these days is coming from libertarians and paleoconservatives. Maybe I’m just getting old and cranky (Just? -ed.) or maybe it’s some sort of residual effect from eating so much Top Dog before games. (Who knew that the world’s number-one Objectivist hot dog stand would be in Berkeley?)

But yes. I have lived in small town rural America (population ~3300), and I have lived in the capital of the universe and the cradle of the future. For myself, I have made the call, and I’m more than happy with it.

It was obvious the world had changed. Something very different was going to take its place. Geopolitically, it meant the end of the Cold War, the formulation of what some called the New World Order, and a brand new archvillain named Saddam Hussein. And into this brave new world, in August 1990, I started college. I’d been dreaming of that moment for the better part of twelve years.

It all fell apart in eight days.

Continue reading “Flashback, part 5 of n”

P.J. O’Rourke, who wrote the single greatest book ever for laymen attempting to understand American government, has cancer…of a particularly survivable and embarassing sort.



Now see, if I could write like this, I wouldn’t be wasting my time blathering at you donkeys.

Get well, you fascist son of a bitch. =)

You know what I want for a president? I want someone whose brain is so fucking big it deforms their skull. I want them to be the smartest motherfucker in every room they walk in. I want other world leaders so convinced they can read their puny minds that they don’t dare try to pull shit on them. When you ask them about the history of some country, I want them to smile at me and say “I’ll try to put it in small words for you”, and I’m not stupid.

So with the sweeping victory over the Al-Qaeda Cowboys on Sunday, I find myself swept up in a firestorm of Potomac Fever. I was going to gush about the whole DC experience, when it occurred to me that I actually lived in Arlington. So in the interest of intellectual honesty and as part of my ongoing commitment to integrity in spaz-blogging, I have split it into two parts. Hopefully, my friends back in the 202/703/571, who gave meaning to everything below, will concur in the validity of the lists.

WHAT DC MEANS TO ME:

Hail to the Redskins. The Pub Formerly Known As The 4Ps. Sonny and Sam. Bluegrass and Go-go. EB, Cakes, Lurch and JP. Don and Mike. Half-smokes. An Irish bar every five hundred yards. The 9:30 Club. HFS, back when HFS was really HFS. The lunchtime smoking club at Signature Cigar. The escalator to Hell at Dupont Circle. Rock Creek Parkway. Throwing down with a bunch of dugout lawyers during softball games on the Mall. Walk on the left, stand on the fucking right, tourist. Drinks at the Ritz-Carlton bar after movies in Georgetown. Gospel brunch at the Corcoran. Mac McGarry hosting “It’s Academic” on hungover Saturday mornings. Coffee at Xando, unless you’re close enough to walk to the Mudd House. Fuzagi’s “Waiting Room” for the Redskins defense, Chuck Brown’s “Bustin’ Loose” for the Nats and Mambo Sauce’s “Welcome to DC” for the Wizards. Lou Brutus and the Minister of Information, the Evil Alan Scott. Drinking at Felix, or the Blue Room, or Lucky Bar, or the 18th St Lounge, or the 4th Estate, or Mackey’s, or Recessions, or Pharmacy Bar. Barra Brava and the Screaming Eagles. The Greek Festival and homemade baklava. Standing on the Metro between a smoking-hot GWU co-ed on one side and a 2-star general in full Class A on the other. Lunch at Fran O’Brien’s the Friday before the Dallas game. Greasy pizza from the place on the corner and a McDonald’s that takes 45 minutes to get your order right.

WHAT NORTHERN VIRGINIA MEANS TO ME:

Turning leaves in Ballston walking down Glebe Road to Harris Teeter, or CVS, or the mall, or the movies, or the metro. Friday night in Clarendon. Swing dance lessons from Tom and Debra. Movies at Court House. Old Virginia Tobacco Company and SJ-9 cigars. The walk back up Wilson Boulevard into the setting sun after work. Plotting the demise of the leisure class in the middle of Tyson’s II. Games at Bailey’s in that huge frathouse basement of a bar. Christmas shopping at Pentagon City, staring four levels down into the food court. Grocery shopping at Giant and Fresh Fields. A pint at the Four Courts on the way home. World Cup watchers staggering out of the bar at 4 AM…or staggering in at 6. The original Apple Store at Tyson’s I. The long drive down 7 to Landsdowne, or Stirling, or Dulles Town Center. The sandcrawlers at IAD taking you out to the jetBlue terminal. The original Five Guys on Columbia Pike. Burgers and beer at Hard Times. The daily mob scene at Potomac Mills and IKEA. High school football at Washington & Lee and Lake Braddock. Square pizza from Mario’s at 3 AM, delivered. The couch at Common Grounds. The complete indispensability of the Orange Line.

Forgetting anything?

The margin of defeat – across party lines – was provided by House members running in swing districts, who overwhelmingly voted against the package. Members of the House who are not running for re-election supported the bill in sweeping numbers.

Make of it what you will.